ANOREXIA AND MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH A MAN NAMED ATKINS

I have been on every diet in the world. I’m serious when I say that too!! If somebody told me that I could lose weight by consuming nothing but a cracker jack I did it, if I read that you could lose 5 lbs overnight by putting cayenne pepper on everything, I gladly sprinkled away. If I had to eat 20 pounds of cabbage soup, chug down nothing but wheatgrass juice, or live on baby food for a week I was game.

I was so obsessed with what I put in my mouth that I eventually became exhausted from it all and severely went off the deep end. Actually I don’t think it was any particular diet that did that to me. I believe it was the years and years of deprivation and fad diets that eventually gave me the notion that the best way to actually lose a bunch of weight was not to eat nothing at all. I think with the exception of black coffee, and sugarless gum, that seemed to work, because as alot of you know, I managed to get myself down to the weight of a cocker spaniel. Yes take the “t”  off the end of that word “diet” and you end up with “DIE”. That is exactly what all of that nonsense almost did to me.

I had unfortunately read everything about what was good for you and bad for you, what you should and shouldn’t eat, and if you did eat where it all went in your body. I could break down the label on the back of anything like a forensic scientist. I knew how many servings were in it, and how many calories were in that serving. I knew the carb count and how many of those carbs were from sugar and fiber, whole grains, etc. I knew the fat content, how many calories came from fat, how much of that fat was saturated, usaturated, mono and trans.

The worst thing is when all these researchers began doing studies, and were constantly coming up with what you should  and most importantly should NOT eat. Dumbasses!

 

 

The Anorexia Diet

At first it was fat, and I remember not eating anything with an ounce of it. I would eat a whole cake if it was fat free, but wouldn’t touch a tablespoon of olive oil to save my life. The came out with this awful substance called “olestra” that would make you spend days in the restroom because it created havoc on your intestines.

Of course those researchers realized they had made a mistake when they realized all that “fat free stuff” was full of sugar, so suddenly sugar was the culprit. No more sugar, and everything became infused with artificial sweeteners, and other chemicals that would probably make you grow a tail if you consumed too much of it.

This thus brought on the onset of the “Sugarbusters”  and very popular Atkins diet. Dr. Atkins was the genius who decided that carbs were the bad guys, and you could eat all the prime rib and pepperoni you wanted as long as it wasn’t in the vicinity of a piece of bread or baby carrot.

They then realized that people were going into severe ketosis and having kidney failure because of the protein overload, and suddenly carbs where your new best friends.

Unfortunately it comes a bit too late when you have convinced your mind that everything is going to make you fat.

It seems like every week it’s something. Movie theatre popcorn, Chinese food, Mexican food..oops no not Mexican now it’s Italian..wait scratch that now it’s Brazilian food..oh wait that’s actually good for you now..permission granted again. So hey folks, we changed our minds, and now you can actually have the movie theatre popcorn again as long as you don’t get it made with that, and top it with this, and mix it with those to increase your chances of not getting these.

Eat this..Not that, cut the sugar, increase the fat. White grains, whole grains, blue, red but not black. I think that I will never ever ever get my hunger back!

Stop this crazy crazy train and lets all get off! I am a walking example of what years and years of cutting everything out, and being afraid to eat can do to you.

I personally would like to find all these guys who said I couldn’t eat fat, sugar, or carbs, and knock them upside the head with a giant box of Krispy Kremes.

If you want to know what kind of diet you should eat, I think it’s the diet of Anything and Everything you want…as long as you don’t eat it all at one time. It’s combining the healthy good stuff like veggies and fruits and whole grains with the movie theatre popcorn, the pizza,and the glazed donuts.

It’s not depriving yourself of any food group as this will only drive you bazookazook, and put your body at risk of not getting all the proper nutrients it needs.

It means listening to what your body wants, and feeding it throughout the day.

It means being a kid again, and eating when you are hungry and stopping when you are full.

I think the word Diet should be eliminated from the planet. I think everybody would be a lot happier. Well maybe not the rice cake and celery stick industry, they would definitely be a little pissed!

 

Watch the video below, and have a great belly laugh (no pun intended)!!

 

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