In her study, Shott analyzed 21 women with anorexia nervosa and 19 without. What she found is that when each subject was challenged with two tasks, the women with anorexia nervosa performed far worse in each task. Her study sought to find which specific types of learning were effected by anorexia nervosa. The challenges included categorization, task management and more. “These results suggest that difficulties in cognitive functioning in [anorexia nervosa] may be more specific than an impairment in general intellectual functioning, and raises the possibility that [anorexia nervosa] might impact only certain neural systems,” said Shott.

This doesn’t mean that women with anorexia don’t have high IQs. In fact, some of Scott’s subjects had very high IQs but exhibited the same deficits in cognitive functioning due to their challenges with anorexia nervosa. The control group, which was the 19 women without anorexia, performed each task without some of the issues that were prominent in the other group of women.

Another discovery that came through Shott’s study was the differences in temperament and personality characteristics in women with anorexia nervosa. During the challenges, those with anorexia were more easily distracted and had sensitivity to punishment and failure. Shott believes that these findings provide details into the theory that those with anorexia nervosa have significant cognitive deficiencies in terms of categorization, which was one of the challenge tasks in the study, and punishment or negative reinforcement. Not only did the Shott’s study show that there could be some improvements made to individuals’ treatment programs it suggests that future studies may find further cognitive challenges in those with anorexia nervosa

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For all you men who think that women are dressing up, putting on make-up and spending hours and hours on their hair for you, well that’s a bunch of BS. Women like to look good for other women, or should we like to say we like to look better then all the other women in the room and if we had our wish, the planet.

It’s a rooted phenomenon that has lead to “poison apples,backstage beauty pageant sabotage”, and quite a famous “swimming pool fight” on Dynasty.

I suppose since back when men where out finding meat to drag back to the cave, and figuring out how to create fire, woman have been trying to figure out how to “outbabe” each other.

It’s a rather silent and unspoken rule actually, we all know we do it, we all know we think it, and we all know everybody else is doing it to us, but we would never verbally admit it. It makes us look shallow, self-absorbed and vain. However, its a natural instinct that we are born with, so get used to it.

 This is why we smile when our friend gets a great new pair of shoes, jump for joy when she gets engaged, or practically wet our pants when she loses 15 pounds, but secretly there is a little part of us that just wants to “kill the bitch”… lol.

That being said, you would wonder why any woman who looks like Skeletor, loses all her hair, has chicken legs that can barely stand up to even put on a pair of cute shoes,feels like she is the queen bee, next to the flocks of gorgeous women in the Universe with healthy beautiful bodies.

Well here is a little portal into the head of an anorexic. You actually feel more powerful than those woman who to you obviously must hate their bigger bodies, loath their regular looking stomachs and have absolutely no will power of self-control when it comes to food.  Women are somehow taught from a young age that the lower the weight, the more in control you are. When you can say that you have the lowest number on that scale, have eaten the least amount of calories that day, and wear the smallest size of skinny jeans amongst the majority of other females, you get this incredible feeling of satisfaction. It’s impossible to be the prettiest girl in the room, but you can with a little effort, a lot of missed meals, and several trips to the gym, make yourself the thinnest.

Sick..yes…Right…no.

The only thing that ticks off the skinniest girl in the world, besides butter and anything that is deep fried, is when another girl comes in and steals all her thunder by being thinner. It’s like the tiara, the banner, and the title get stripped and suddenly somebody has more power, more self-control, and more power.

I remember being that skinniest girl in the world, and you can imagine that at 54 pounds I pretty much had immunity when it came to the Anorexic world. The only girls who had anything on me were probably corpses, and being that they didn’t get around much, probably didn’t pose much of a threat.

In the real world, you pretty much are the only cockatoo in the room who actually thinks looking like death is pretty, but when you get into a room with 20 other cockatoo’s all fighting for the same crown…well you better just watch your bony little back.

If this seems odd to you,than it should. It’s also probably why so many people with eating disorders have trouble getting better. Getting better means losing your crown and giving it up to some other skinny bitch.. yep,estrogen and lack of nutrition can make for a very bad combination.

 No matter what, there is always going to be somebody prettier than you, smarter than you, skinnier than you, and in numerous cases “has her foot in the grave one step ahead of you.”

In my next blog I am going take you into the mind of somebody whose only goal in life is to be the best Anorexic in the world and God help the skinnier Bitch who stands in her way….stay tuned.

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Commonly, orthorexia begins with a restricted diet. Either due to an illness or just the commendable intent of healthy eating, it can start with taking just a few foods or food groups out of a diet. Meat, gluten, sugar, refined foods, canned products, preservatives – they’re all things that some people avoid to pursue a healthier lifestyle. For other people, avoiding certain foods becomes an unhealthy obsession. Some people develop a phobia of cancer or other illnesses and cut out any foods that they believe can predispose them to disease. Other times, their strict diet interferes with daily life. They can’t eat out at restaurants and become obsessed with where their food comes from and how it’s handled.

Often, individuals with orthorexia (which comes from the Greek “ortho” meaning straight or correct) are commended for their lifestyles, but what most people don’t know is that it can be a cover-up for anorexia and shares many characteristics of more common eating disorders. Sometimes orthorexia can cut out entire food groups from someone’s diet because they are so obsessed with health and the prevention of disease. In fact, cutting out entire categories of food can be more detrimental to health than beneficial.

People with orthorexia can face binge eating episodes just like others with binge eating disorder, and they aren’t just obsessed with food, they can also be obsessed with what they look like, just like anorexics. It’s important to realize that something like orthorexia is a real disorder, especially when it leads to serious eating disorders like anorexia nervosa and bulimia. Since it shares so many common characteristics with eating disorders that are already recognized by the APA, it would be beneficial to add orthorexia to the list, so that people suffering from the disorder can seek help and clinics can successfully diagnose what is becoming more and more prevalent.

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This sent shivers up  and down my spine, because I know just how easy it is to pass out in the bathtub, especially after taking medication.

I know this, because I did it myself several times.

Everybody knows I suffered very seriously from Anorexia and Bulimia, but very few people know I suffered from a drug addiction as well. I have never done cocaine, I have never shot up heroin, or even dropped one ounce of acid.

See, all of my drugs were very neat and nice and came in a little orange bottle.

My drug dealer was any doctor or psychiatrist I was seeing at the time, and my pick-up place was my local pharmacy.

Perhaps this is why for so long I was able to use and abuse little white, purple, red, and green, round, oblong, rectangular, and oval little pieces of brain candy.

Aside from an occasional Tylenol or a standard antibiotic, I had never really ever been prescribed anything growing up or into early adulthood.

It honestly wasn’t until I was officially diagnosed with Anorexia and Bulimia that the idea of drugs was even presented to me. At first it was your standard slew of Anti-depressants, which back then consisted of mainly Prozac and a newly introduced Zoloft. People were very shy about saying they were on anti-depressants at that time. It was kind of a taboo, and people didn’t really want to go around announcing they had mental or emotional issues. Today you go to dinner and the conversation usually revolves around what you are on,what your dog is currently taking, and what you are thinking of trying next. Pills to help you feel better, to sleep through the night, to pee, to have better sex, the list goes on.

I never really found that any of them were helping me, but maybe that’s perhaps because I wasn’t eating.

It wasn’t until an eating disorders treatment center I was at years later, that I was given my first narcotic or as I like to call it “happy pill”.

I’ll never forget that I was given a .5 milligram of Ativan, and that ten minutes later I could barely stand up.

After that I remember wanting another one right away. I loved anything that could take me away from the inner pain I was feeling from my eating disorder, and this little baby sure did the trick. It also made me very calm, and I think I saw a couple purple bunny rabbits rollerskating in my room as well.

When I left the hospital, I had a whole little orange bottle of them, and it was like having 60 little nuggets of gold in my possession.

What I didn’t realize is that pretty soon those 60 little nuggets of gold weren’t going to be enough.

Over the years one or two didn’t do the job and I found myself  finally taking up to 20 a day. My poison primarily consisted of Clonazepam aka Klonopin, a drug that is a close relative of Ativan. I also enjoyed other family members and friends such as Xanax, Percisan, Valium, Morphine, and Oxycontin.

However I favored Klonopin and found anyway and every way I could to get it.

Taking so many would make my prescription run out, so I found myself seeing several doctors at a time to get more scripts. Back then it was easier then today where there are a lot stricter precautions and regulations making sure patients cannot do that.When those ran out I got very desperate, sometimes looking in dark places for my fix.

One time I knew a friend who was also on it, and I stole her whole bottle of 120 out of her medicine cabinet, and then of course never called or saw her again.

After that, I started to get very risky by taking several amounts of OTC drugs with them such as Tylenol P.M., Benadryl, Dramamine, and NyQuil.

I would pass out for hours, but sometimes it could be for the whole day.

I wasn’t eating and weighed as much as a small child, so you can imagine what an effect all these drugs where having on me.

I was shaking constantly and started to have seizures.

One time I took so many Klonopin and Benadryl that my heart started to beat 90 miles a minute. I was alone in my apartment and I remember thinking “I am going to die right now”. I could literally see my heart beating out of my chest, and I could barely breathe. The next thing I remember, I was shaking, going into a seizure, blacking out, and waking up on the floor.

There were other times where I would wake up in the bathtub, or the time where I never made it to the bathtub that was running and woke up 12 hours later with a completely flooded apartment.

One time I woke up sweating bullets, and realized I had left one of the burners on my stove on high heat for 8 hours. Apparently I was going to cook something but passed out before I started.

I would also wake up and see things that had occurred but I don’t remember doing. Strange things like furniture moved around, or all my shoes outside on my yard, or things that were broken or smashed. I’d pass out while talking to people on the phone, leaving them on the other line to assume the worst.

Most of the people I knew were scared every single day that I was going to die from my eating disorder, but quite honestly I am surprised I didn’t actually die from all of my pill abuse.

The amounts I was taking were way over the limit, and I self-medicated all the time to zone out all of the hell I was in everyday with my ED. I was no different than any other drug addict, constantly ”tweaking” and looking for any way I could to get my fix.

Prescription meds are tricky. As much as they help with anxiety, depression, and insomnia, they can also for somebody who has an addictive personality or just likes to numb away pain be extremely dangerous.

In a hospital setting, where they are controlled by educated medical professionals, they can be managed. When you leave however being on them and left to be your own doctor is where is can get scary.

Luckily for me, I was able to nip it in the bud, and by that I mean I no longer take anything that is addictive. I let my doctors and dentist know ahead of time, that I am a former addict, so that they don’t start giving me the scripts to get my crack in pretty little shapes. It was hard to stop, but just like my Eating Disorder I knew if I didn’t, it would kill me.

Many many people especially with Eating Disorders have struggled like me with pills, and basically what I learned is that like the starving, the binging and all the purging, all those meds just numbed the pain, they didn’t take it away. As soon as they wore off, all of those issues were still there.

If you feel like you have a problem with anything that comes in a little orange bottle, I encourage you to seek some counseling, and maybe even look into a treatment center to help you become clean.

Pills don’t mess around, mixing them is crazy dangerous. A lot of meds can have lethal effects if mixed with other ones. Just a little extra can mean the difference between you waking up and seeing today, or never waking up again to see tomorrow. Pop that pill for thought!

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The study, which was conducted at King’s College London and University College, involved over 11,000 women, 500 of which had a history of eating disorders. One of the most startling discoveries was that 39% of women with a history of anorexia or bulimia took longer than six months to conceive, which is much higher than the 25% of women without eating disorders in their medical history. The study, which was the largest study of eating disorders and their relation to fertility, was published in BJOG, an international journal that focuses on obstetrics and gynecology.

Other notable findings in the study included the fact that women with eating disorders were more than twice as likely to have sought medical assistance in conceiving, showing that infertility is higher in women who have reported having eating disorders. Also, 41% of women with eating disorders reported their pregnancies as unplanned compared to the 28% of women without. This was surprising because women with eating disorders often go months without their periods or lose their periods altogether, making conception difficult, but not impossible.

Another surprising aspect of the study showed that while most women felt happy to be pregnant, the number of women with anorexia and bulimia who felt unhappy was over twice as high as women without, at 10% vs. 4%. The findings of the study suggest that women with a history of eating disorders may require more support psychologically when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth. Not only does the study show that there could be complications in conceiving a baby, but also that after childbirth, these women could require additional help with psychological challenges following pregnancy.

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Eating disorders lifestyle

The National Eating Disorders Association reported that over 10 million women and 1 million men in America struggle with anorexia and bulimia. But even with that many people suffering from the disorders, many people don’t know that eating disorders are real diseases and not just lifestyle choices.

One huge myth surrounding eating disorders is that they are simply a lifestyle choice. Some people believe that it’s as easy as flipping a switch. Some people think that one day you have an eating disorder because of dissatisfaction with your weight, but as soon as you reach your goal, you can go back to life without an eating disorder. That myth prevails because of media coverage and shows that don’t depict the long and often difficult journey to recovery for those with eating disorders. Another myth is that eating disorders revolve solely around food. In fact, anorexia nervosa and bulimia, the two most common forms of eating disorders, are complex and can involve not only psychological issues, but also sociological and biological factors as well.

Most people know that the media can be a big part of eating disorders, but it’s more than just what we see on television and the pictures we see when we flip through magazines. People who are affected by eating disorders are often facing other issues such as losing control of a part of their lives or depression or even a traumatic event. Another common myth about eating disorders is that they can be easily treated. But like depression and other mental illness, there’s no easy cure-all. Each case has to be examined individually and treated as such, since each case is unique. Another little known fact is that eating disorders have a higher mortality rate than any other mental illness.

Correcting misconceptions about eating disorders is important for those looking for treatment in eating disorders programs as well as for family members and doctors. By focusing on a need for long-term eating disorders treatment, these myths will eventually give way to fact.

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I remember my cousins and I playing with them when we were little. They were boys, so they were busy building spaceships and airplanes, and had all the Star Wars kits. I think there was a Princess Leia in there, but she got smashed during an unfortunate Jedi fight in my grandmother’s backyard.  After that I imagine I was trying to build a shoe closet, or a shopping mall with what little bits and pieces the Empire didn’t need.

Thinking back to them though, they are somewhat a little boyish.

The colors were always blues and greys and red, no purples, pinks, or bedazzle.

The themes were always targeted towards boys too, mostly…helicopters, police cars, fire engines and such.

I don’t think anybody ever really thought them to be stereotypical. I mean there wasn’t a whole lot of action going on for little boys in the Barbie world. I think Ken was just invented to fix the Barbie mobile and open up pickle jars when Skipper was hungry.

I remember a lot of castles too, but they were never pink or had princess’s in them, they were more of a man fort, where little knights and kings chilled out, guarding the crib from “My Pretty Ponies” and “Smurfetts.”

So point is, I was a little amused the other day when somebody asked me what I thought about the  big “Lego eating disorder controversy? ” I was like “Legos and eating disorders?….what’s up with that?

Sure enough I googled it and saw that the world of Lego’s has irrupted into a full blown gender cluster…ck, over this…..

http://articles.latimes.com/2012/jan/23/news/la-heb-lego-girls-toy-protest-20120123

Apparently Lego decided to get a little “sassy” and throw some estrogen  and glitter on those little plastic pieces. They have just introduced a line called ”Lego Friends”.  These “Friends” live in “Heartlake city” and have squeaky little names like “Mia” and “Olivia.” They drive around in little pink cars, get together at a little cafe to drink lattes and get manis and pedis at the mini salon.

OK….I am sorry but I want them, I want to play with them, I want to be all their friends and make cupcakes with sprinkles in my dazzled out crib.

The little girl in me comes out.. sorry, but  it’s my “easy bake oven gene”….lol.

The controversy is that they are creating a stereotypical idea for little girls. A leading expert in the Eating Disorder field has gone far enough to start a petition to have this line discontinued.

Really?…..come on. I’m sorry but these little Lego’s are not doing anything less than a Polly pocket, or a Malibu Barbie.

Seriously, this is like taking the Happy out of the Meal, the Chucky out of the Cheese, or the Sesame off the Street.

Kids are kids for such a short period of time, so let their imaginations run wild…let them PLAY!!

When these micro chicks start going to the Cosmetic Surgeon for Botox and tiny boob jobs, replace their sugar cookies with diet pills, or start injecting their lips with silicone..then we can put them on blast. Til then…let’s Lego of the whole thing!!

There is far too much time being spent on this, when there are much bigger fish to fry.

By fish, I mean the airbrushed magazine covers, fashion models who weigh 99 pounds, and size zero jeans at Banana Republic.

I have no problem with these Lego friends. They aren’t overly skinny, or overly enhanced like another plastic female we know. They are representing what every girl dreams of when they are little, and also sets them up to aspire to be confident and successful.

After all, no matter what,  big or little girls just wanna have fun…so I say let em!

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I also admire her decision to recently come out in public about her struggle with an Eating Disorder. In a recent interview with Maria Shriver she admitted that in her early days she struggled with the ideal to be the perfect” ballerina type” instead of her inherited Italian curves.

Also living in California where the pressure to be thin and beautiful put a strain on her early emergence into the Hollywood scene caused a lot of stress.

Fame can be a very jaded industry and you are not only competing against everybody else, you are competing against yourself.

She admitted that her bulimia got so bad it started to effect her vocal chords, and so she finally got it together and ceased the purging.  Well, Miss G, all I can say is I am so happy you stopped your bad habits because without you belting out Bad Romance, Telephone, or my all time fave Poker Face this world would be a much duller world.

It’s so Fabulous when powerful women like Gaga or even Adele can come out and admit they too have suffered with the pressure to be thin and beautiful amongst the flocks and flocks of pretty perfect supermodels who eat nothing but lettuce.

I hope that her coming out and admitting this sheds a little less shame for people of all genders, sizes, and nationalities who are struggling with Eating Disorders like bulimia and anorexia.

It’s like ya…so what I’m Gaga…and I Gagged…get over it!

as she quoted….“Weight is still a struggle,”Every video I’m in, every magazine cover, they stretch you — they make you perfect. It’s not real life … I’m gonna say this about girls: The dieting wars have got to stop. Everyone just knock it off. Because at the end of the day, it’s affecting kids your age. And it’s making girls sick.”

I love your passion for life Miss G, and not being afraid of who you are and what you were! Thanks for showing us all that even though we have issues, it doesn’t mean we were Born that Way!

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Eating Disorders Can Creep Up on You

It is subtle at times and will call me occasionally when it senses self-doubt, or get very persistent and just show up unexpected getting all up in my face when it misses being the one in control.  I can pretty much count on seeing him while I am naked in the shower, or when I am trying on a new pair of jeans. He’s always standing in the background anytime I am around my mother, or having a bad day at work and getting reprimanded by my boss.

It’s very similar to running into an ex boyfriend, that uncomfortable and awkward silence. That once shared intimacy now turned into “somebody you just used to know.”
My Eating Disorder is an Ex. It was a huge part of my life. I was married to it. I loved my Eating Disorder with every single fiber of my being. I slept with that Eating Disorder for half of my life. It was with me 24 hours a day. It made me feel good when I felt bad. It comforted me when I felt alone. It never left me…it was always there. When I cut the cord with my Eating Disorder, it wasn’t a situation where we both just decided it wasn’t going to work and went our separate ways. It was a full blown knock out drag out fight to the death. It became one last ditch effort  where I packed every emotion I still had left inside of me and divorced the “son of a bitch.”

I do feel that you can get very addicted to pain. You can get addicted to feeling sad, to getting treated like shit, to being made to feel like you have no place in this world and that you would probably be better off if you didn’t exist. Yet, the same thing that is nourishing your agony is also destroying you minute by minute.
It was born inside of me from nothing more than a tiny seed of dysfunction. It grew everyday like a cancer, feeding on all my self-doubt and insecurity. It flirted with my vulnerability and whispered sweet nothings to my uncertainty about my place in this world.  I was smitten with its ability to numb all the hurt, yet at the same time confused at its anger when I tried to be myself. Pretty soon I was in a full blown relationship with it and it controlled every move I made. It loved that it was slowly destroying anybody or anything else that got in my way. It had nothing but a pocket full of matches and it lit them for me and then smiled with a sweet satisfaction as I burned down bridges that I would never be able to build back.It loved that it was sucking the marrow of life out of my bones.
It didn’t want me to die…oh no no, if I died it died. It only wanted to take me to the highest measure of misery. It wanted me to live the rest of my life in Hell.

I honestly don’t think it had any idea that I was going to get Ninja assassin on it and kick its ass so badly, that it was begging for mercy. It was totally taken by surprise!
I think that my most remarkable achievement was my incredible strategy to fool my eating disorder into thinking it had won, and just when it least expected it, flipped the table and took back my control.

It is harder to leave a bad situation than it is to stay in it, but once you make that decision to bail, nothing..nothing can stand in your way!!!!!

I  fled with nothing more than the little bit of dignity and pride I had managed to hide away in a place where it couldn’t find it. It was buried deep within my soul, and it was what saved my life.
Once I broke up with my eating disorder, There was no negotiating, It was over.
As with any relationship it doesn’t just disappear. The feelings, the memories, the connection still remain.
I have learned though that as time goes by, those feelings get directed to other positive sources.

Time makes you realize how much you don’t miss being trapped inside a cage, and that the taste of freedom and the sensation of self acceptance is phenomenal.
Like I said, my Eating Disorder still pops up, but I am able to just go…”You know what…I once loved you…I now hate you….”You are just somebody, that I used to know.”
 

 SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW-GOYTE  (feat. KIMBRA)

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Dating and Anorexia

I have no problem telling people I am in recovery for an eating disorder. I mean for goodness sake, I put my whole story in the middle of the fishbowl a very long time ago. Google my name and you can see the ugly, the bad, and all the sad.

However, I am sitting on a date the other night, sweating bullets because I wonder how long it’s going to take this one to be an ass and disappoint me. It’s that typical date conversation, you know the one where I am praying he isn’t wanted by the FBI, lives with his mother, or collects rare star wars memorabilia.

Whether or not my Prince Charming is out there, I don’t know.

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