I am standing in front of the mirror in my underwear blow drying my hair; it is a usual morning process. I stare at my flesh and am in awe of what I see. Who is this woman? I don’t recognize her shape…the form of her torso, the curves of her hips, the skin here and some over there.
I used to see empty…I used to see cold…I used to see death. I remember looking in the mirror and it was like staring at a corpse lying on a slab in the morgue. I remember staring at the patches of baldness where hair used to flow. I remember the fuzz that covered my body making me look like an animal. The bones protruded in a fierce disturbing way, and I could actually see my heart beating out of my chest.
I remember feeling trapped…trapped inside a body that was not mine…caged inside a demon of a disease that was destroying me inside and out. The odd thing about it was that as horrid as it was it felt comfortable…it just felt safe.
Eating disorders are ugly…and they seek to destroy. They take what was once a masterpiece and then tear it apart until it is unrecognizable.
The process of physically recovering from the aftermath of an eating disorder is a very fragile process.
It doesn’t happen overnight…but it does happen, and when it does, it is having to get to know a new you. Learning to embrace who you are and what your body naturally should be is a journey in itself…
Start to see your body as a temple…it is simply the vessel that surrounds your soul. Your actual beauty lies within and when we can shine from inside the outside sparkles too!! Start to appreciate the simple things…your toes…your eyes… that cute little bellybutton, the quirk of your smile, and the length of your lashes!
Positive self affirmations can help you get through the self doubt of the new you. Constantly praising who you are inside and out will take practice, but keep doing it. You may not believe it at first, but the more you do it, the more confident you will become!
Try telling yourself at least 10 positive things about yourself a day…if you have to write them down on pieces of paper and put them up on your mirror the go do it now!!
I look in the mirror everyday and tell myself that I may not be perfect…but I am out of that cage of death and on my way to happy and healthier things. I am learning to love the new me, and accept that this is who I am, and who I am is pretty darn Fabulous!!
I love my body today…you should do the same!