THINTERVENTION of the day. Starving yourself to fit into some skinny jeans (the ones you think will make you happy), sweating for 6 hours on the treadmill (the one you think will answer your prayers), paying attention to that number on the scale (perfect little digits to success), and hating yourself for not being her [...]
Tag Archives: Experiences
Moving Forward
“Come on, Emily, think…” I actually reach the point where I am exasperatedly saying this to myself out loud while staring at the computer screen. Stress, suddenly stockpiled in my cells, has seemingly made it impossible for me to concentrate.
Symbiosis
Prior to leading my first ANAD eating disorder support group, I considered that I might possibly be triggered by doing this work.
One Such Memory
This past summer, I tried sushi for the first time. Seated, served, concentrating on my movements, I had carefully positioned the chopsticks in my right hand, then deliberately pinched the first colorful, creatively crafted piece with them, intentionally attentive to the amount of pressure I was applying so as neither to drop it nor break it apart…
Liverwurst and Melted Cheese
Vividly, I remember sitting on the stained, hardwood floor in front of the oven, ready, waiting, wanting to eat, watching bubbles begin to stretch through the cheese over pink liverwurst softening, oozing to the edge of the bread.
“If You Are Not Happy… Let People Know It”
Flanked by fellow classmates, kids I had yet to get to know, I remember feeling forced to pretend, even way back then. “If you’re happy, and you know it, then you really, really show it! If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!”
Eating What Is Around
Lost in the beauty of the knots in the picnic tabletop, I hear a rustling beneath my feet. Two crows quietly creep close, springing over the sand on string-thin legs, foraging for food.
Haste Makes Weight
Two pounds down; a small percentage of the weight loss she had hoped, worked, and paid for. She’d been promised “rapid results” if she followed the rigid diet plan. Obsessively adhering to each detail, sweating, starving, planning, and preparing, all seemed worth it…